The Secret of Tears

This will be my final post on items from the book Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge. As I finish reading this book I may post statements of encouragement or other poignant statements in the margin on the right.

On the Saturday following the surgery on my leg to repair the breaks I told Todd that I hadn't really cried since I'd broken it, but I could feel that there was a really good cry in there somewhere. I didn't know when the cry would come, but I knew it was coming sooner or later. Having just recently found some true relief for my back, I'd begun walking each day. I had the hopes of losing the weight I gained over the course of my first injury and surgery.

The following excerpts are from the chapter titled The Secret of Tears.
"Of the seven psalms that refer to tears, three are attributed to David's pen. The man who had an absolutely sincere secret life with God was a man of tears. David cried, 'Do not be silent at my tears' (Psalm 39:12) as though his tears commended his sincerity to God. Clearly tears are not for women only. Another psalmist expressed the sincerity of his cry by pointing to his tears: 'My tears have been my food day and night, while they continually say to me, 'Where is your God?'"

I have experienced the tears that have been my “food day and night.” When Kathryn died, I spent many hours crying. I felt like those who knew we were Believers, and were not themselves, were thinking to themselves, “Where is your God?” Here we were teaching in our church, known by everyone in our little country church, and friends with many who were unsaved in our community. Wherever we looked, our brothers and sisters in Christ seemed to be saying “Where is OUR God?” They were feeling our loss as well to some degree, unable to understand or comprehend why the Father had not answered the prayers of those who had cried out on behalf of our baby. I understand this type of tears because I have experienced them and remember that sorrow all to well – as if it were only yesterday.

But, what about this cry that was coming, after I realized I’d broken my leg, been admitted and was scheduled for surgery the next morning? It’s interesting that I didn’t cry before, except from the pain when I first broke the leg. The cry that was coming was of a different kind, I knew that, but I didn’t fully understand it, until I began reading this chapter. It came on it's own timing, and was an uncontrollable sobbing.

...

"We cry because we desire or because we're in pain; so tears are the language of desire. We desire Him, even to tears. If we lack the desire, He will cultivate it within us by seemingly withdrawing from us His mercy. It's famine that makes us hungry; it's drought that makes us thirsty. Deprivation produces desire."

Do not despise the pain that gave you the tears. Pour out your heart to Him; God is a refuge for us! Those who "love much" still wash the Lord's feet with their tears. (Luke 7:36-48)

So, what about the tears I shed that Saturday afternoon? Those were a different type. I was frustrated and confused. I know that God works "all things together for the good of those that love Him, those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) I understand fully His Sovereign grace and His abundant provision. So what type of tears were these? Why was I crying, I really didn't understand, I just knew that I was going to experience a time of crying during all of this.

The tears I succumbed to that day were all together different. I knew that, but I didn't know how to express that yet. The Lord began to show me through the book I was reading..

"There are two kinds of sickness in the Bible that produce tears. The first is mentioned in Proverbs 13:12, 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick.' When the hope of God's deliverance is deferred, the heart grows sick. This heartsickness produces a groaning from the depths of the spirit and is expressed in tears. These are the tears of the brokenhearted, and they are not despised by God. Heartsickness cries, 'Oh God, visit me! Come to me in Your power and fulfill Your word in my life!'"

"Heartsickness is the product of unrequited power; lovesickness is the consequence of unrequited love. David articulated both passions when, during his years of hiding in the wilderness, he cried, 'So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory' (Psalm 63:12). Heartsickness weeps, 'Show me Your hand!' Lovesickness weeps, 'Show me Your face!'"

That is when it dawned on me! That's what it was - hope deferred! I had just finally started feeling better after another procedure on my back. I'd been out and walked in the beautiful spring weather the 3 days before I fell, readying myself for the work involved in losing the weight I've put on in the last 2 years. When, lo and behold, I step just the right way on a curb to turn over my ankle and break the bones in my lower leg. "What?!!? Are you kidding me Lord? This can't be happening? I'm finally feeling better? Why now? How is this going to be for my good, and the good of those in my family who have to depend on me for their most basic needs? How is this going to bring you glory?" I was heart sick, and I didn't see how that was going to help me to glorify God. But here I sit at my computer, hoping that this blog post reaches someone who feels a sickness today. I encourage you with these words from the paragraph quoted above: if you are heartsick, weep "Show me Your hand!", and if you are lovesick weep, "Show me Your face!"

So I invite you, if you feel either of these two ways - lovesick or heartsick, seek the Lord in prayer and through your tears. Indeed God is everywhere... even in our tears.

Abiding in Him, along with you all,
Lori