I have not posted anything in a bit because I'm seeking the Lord right now, and wanted to really have something to say when I got back on.
I am currently reading several books. One entitled Breathe is helping me learn much about truly living simply so that I can make more room for the things of God in my life.
I'm at the place in my life where THAT is what I truly want - more of HIM and less of me. I feel like John the Baptist when he wrote, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30) I long for things to be joyful and peaceful in my home. I love my husband and children passionately and unconditionally. I forgive easily and forget what is behind.
Phillipians 3:12-16 says, "Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind."
April 1st was exactly one year from the time I fell down 7 of our basement stairs with my then 15 month old in my arms landing head first against a cinderblock wall and rupturing a disc in my neck. The doctors did not MRI my neck for 6 months! The excruciating pain led to a back surgery in October of last year after 3 spinal blocks failed to do the trick. I have had a bout of shingles most recently due to my weakened immune system. For the last year I have been on muscle relaxers and pain relievers about every 4 -6 hours, and several months ago, another was added to the daily regimine. It has been frustrating, but it's kept me home alot, and that has been a bonus.
Since our daughter, Kathryn, died in 1995, I've spent years running from home. It never really mattered where I was running to, it was just being busy all the time that mattered - something to "fill" the void she'd left when she died. It became a habit because I couldn't stand to be in that quiet house, ever. Even after our second child was born, it was like I couldn't stop. Go! Go! Go! all the time! It was a habit that proved to be nearly 15 years in the breaking. It's a shame the Lord had to use an injury to get my attention, but some of us are harder to learn than others. :O) I'm one of those.
I've always believed that my place was to be a helpmate to my husband, to be a "keeper" of our home, and to care for the needs of my children personally. Now, I am finally relaxed in my home enough to do just that. And I praise God for that dreadful fall, that could have cost me my life or my mobility.
My precious 2+ year old has called from the back living room, "Mommy!" she said.
"Yes!" I answered.
"Where are woo?"
Gotta go!!! :O)
Monday, April 13, 2009
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I heard about that book on the radio!!!!! How are you feeling??
I am feeling better some days John, thanks for always asking!
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